Freedom met Hope and other poems

1.
She decided to become a poet
Write beautiful songs

That night
Her knee-length black hair
Turned whitish grey
Even as she slept


2.
Truth is discoverable
But is truth a he? Or a she?
Perhaps deception?
Or a game we're losing


3.
Freedom met Hope
In the back seat of a ST bus
They started a relationship 
When Hope paid for the bus ticket
This led to marriage
They travelled
Sometimes standing
Sometimes on top of the bus
Moving from one town to another

One day, Hope was abandoned
Was informed, "Mr H, Utopia is not healthy
Our people encounter grief"
They want fishes
To fly
Instead of swim

Freedom was not permitted to accompany Hope
She continued with her nomadic life
Given the nature of the times
She frequently changed places of residence
Took up temporary causes

One day, there was a knock on the door
That's when she fled
Forever


4.
He holds a photograph
Of a village near Hingni 
That may vanish, in entirety, in a space of a few days
Due to 558 registered suicides (so far)
This year

More people die of smallpox and snake bites
He says, with a smile


5.
Accursed questions: when will you stop asking them
Asked the ruler
As he flogged the sea waves
For disobeying his diktat

Raga Daes on the surbahar

1.
The shrub told the tree
Can I sit in your lap?


2.
Daily
She feeds toast to 99 pigeons
Named after the 100 Kauravas
Duhsala is missing
Since she prefers French Fries

3.
So, the story is, Krishna was asked by Saraswati
How much taalim do you do to woo these pretty gopis?


4.
Once upon a time, Ampersand was the 27th alphabet
Till Z nudged it out of the last place in the English lexicon


5.
The day, mother played Raga Daes on the surbahar
The tree outside her window decided to scent its flowers

To sit on a stone and six other shorts

1.
Oh, how many smiles
Did she not smile, today


2.
Is there anything more tragic than a man
Who chews paan
Instead of swallowing the betel juice
Spits on himself in the mirror


3.
What happens to an unfinished story ...


4.
My dad is better than yours
Since he can put his ears to the sand
And predict the exact moment
Low tide becomes high tide


5.
The tree is dead
Do we burn it
Along with the other dead trees
On the funeral pyre


6.
The way mother
Wraps a saree around her hips
Reminds him of an algebra sum
Unsolved

7.
To sit on a stone
Watch the grass grow

A compass that helps find happiness

1.
A collection of 143 types sarees with a matching set of blouse
Four cats, three maids, two cars
And a husband

2.
The judge's eyes widened
When the prosecutor sang a libretto in the court
As part of his petition

3.
Shoeless
She enters the room
With ayurvedic herbs in her hair

4.
Whenever I open my eyes after a particularly troublesome night of ponder
My first thought is
I hope the neighbour has not stolen the newspapers
Yet again

5.
When guru one came face to face with guru two
In the airport lounge
There was silence

6.
Did you know
Little B has shifted his penis to his little finger
Whensoever he wants to do susu
He puts his hand out of the train window
And does so

7.
In the kitchen, she stood
Wondering what the Bhagvad Gita said
About adding sugar-free to gaajar ka hawla


8.
You have let us down, said my parents to me
I wonder why
As I read their post-card in the andaa cell
At Yerawada Jail


9.
While 
He yearned for a kiss from her sweet lips
She pined for Nalli Nahari in desi ghee

10.
The dowry demand said: a compass that helps find happiness

Adam and Eve

What if it hadnt worked out for 
Adam and Eve on their blind date

Oh, to simply collect laughter instead of bonsais

1.
Oh, if only the thrash walked itself to the door, and emptied itself, everyday

2.
Oh, to write short stories in one language and dream in another

3.
Oh, to find a molehill inside the mountain

4.
Oh, to ask the pastor how many false "I do" has he presided over

5.
Oh, why does he open his eyes, every time I shut mine

6.
Oh, why did I pay heed to my parents when they told me not to interrupt when grown-ups are talking (as a result, I've not uttered a word for the past 44 years)

7.
Oh, will it be possible to stand on the moon and look into the window of my house with a powerful telescope

8.
Oh, to hear the sound of a pen on a cheque being made out for me

9.
Oh, what would we have done, if someone had not invented suburbs

10.
Oh, to simply collect laughter instead of bonsais 

Alternative endings to my life and other shorts

1.
When she got down on her knees
To propose to an ant
She crushed it


2.
A young I questions me
Don’t you think this tale could have played out better
I asks me


3.
My little girl is growing up
She plays hopscotch
Between Paraguay, Angola and Papua New Guinea


4.
I dip a spoon into the caramel custard at the café
On the next table, a newly-wed couple
Are planning to conceive a baby


5.
It would be nice to be chaperoned
Especially during broken dreams


6.
How many flies in this country?
Millions? Billions?
We need a census report


7.
When
The greatest of leaders
Lay still in his a/c coffin
In a nuclear bunker
He wondered: if he should get up
Put on his walking shoes
To take a pilgrimage to the pyre
As a final act of atonement


8.
Father and daughter watch TV
He thinks her clothing is bizarre
She feels the same about his ideology


9.
How about a national museum of pens
That have signed deals, death penalties, pacts, proposals
Conspiracies and farces


10.
I’ve discovered approximately 67 alternative endings to my life
Today's mission is: to search for one more

I wonder who granted them permission

1.
I wonder who granted them permission
To sell ads in day-dreams

2.
I wonder who granted them permission
To ensure there is crowd in every Kolkata street

3.
I wonder who granted them permission
To build more grave yards than sky-scrapers

4.
I wonder who granted them permission
To plant a tree on top of another tree

5.
I wonder who granted them permission
To start romance classes for married women

6.
I wonder who granted them permission
To change verbs into proper nouns

7.
I wonder who granted them permission
To offer a cup of green tea to a lonely coffee drinker

8.
I wonder who granted them permission
To tax clouds that drift across the borders

9.
I wonder who granted them permission
To burn the pumpkin crop to prevent a locust attack

10.
I wonder who granted them permission
To peep into my mind

Mr Sun, how are you? --- and other shorts

We should have been the children of our time

But someone stopped the clock

-----------------------------------

Every time he speaks,

The words reverberate

Causing indigestion

Among the high and mighty

-----------------------------------

It's Eid

The solitary moon has been spotted by the clergy

Won't someone invite her for the lunar festivities?

-----------------------------------

The trees have been practising, walking

Now they take tiny steps out of the city

-----------------------------------

Night falls, the waiters rinse tumblers, clean tables

Dump the discarded arguments into the garbage bin

-----------------------------------

Lord Krishna sat at the conference table in the boardroom

He smiles at how good v/s evil is being arbitrated these days

-----------------------------------

Even as she stared into the mirror

Someone opened the door for her

-----------------------------------

Headache, headache, please go away

Come again, to my enemy's head

-----------------------------------

In my next life, I want to have a leitmotif

From the moment I exit my mother's womb

For starts, I don't want to be born in a hospital

For ends, I don't want to die in one

It makes the rest of living, sickly

-----------------------------------

The government has decided to measure

The proliferating hatred in our land

All those in the favour of this idea

Please punch your neighbour's nose

-----------------------------------

He always sings Malkauns

After he gargles his mouth

With polluted Ganges water

And a bit of earth, mixed in it

-----------------------------------

The elephant fell in love with Juliet

When Juliet chose not to reciprocate

The elephant broke his heart

With a big bang that caused remorse

Among lovers all over the planet

-----------------------------------

He wants to celebrate the next Dipawali on Jupiter

With a comet that gleams through the sky

Can he?

Will he?

-----------------------------------

He plants a word in the river

It drowns

And becomes an underwater forest

When no one is looking

-----------------------------------

Mr Sun, how are you?

I don’t know.

Are you kind of hot? Would that be a fair description?

I don't know.

How were you born?

I don't know.

Do your parents love you? Did they, ever?

I don't know.

How long have you been the sun, Mr Sun?

I don't know."

I've a complaint against you. Why do you make me sweat so much?

I don't know.

Do you know there are people who have sun stroke because of you?

I don't know.

Don't you know how potent your sun-rays are? Still?

I don't know.

What will you do when the sun-rays get weaker?

I don't know?

Will they go weaker?

I don't know.

Mr Sun, don't you think, you've to give me some kind of answer.

I don't know.

Are you afraid of darkness?

Yes.

Five mantras for Dussera day

1.
Thought for the day: Lets privatise the government



2.
Fate of a poet: Tughlaq becomes monarch. Amir Khushro prefers death.


3.
My niece who is a software engineer saw the sea for the first time
She said: If we create an algorithm-based artificial intelligence machine
It will snychronise the 9.5 million waves


4.
My friend, called
Khari-Bholi by her parents
Started a restaurant chain all over North India
She officially named it: Hindi
In Hindi, she served the following meals: Awadhi, Bagheli, Bhojpuri, Bundeli, Chhattisgarhi, Garhwali, Harauti, Haryanvi, Kumauni, Lamani, Malvi, Marwari, Mewari, Nimadi, Pahari, Rajasthani, Sadan and Urdu.
Every time a gourmet was served on your table
A sound chip embedded inside the plate spoke to you in the dialect you ordered

5.
When Ravana has a headache
Does he have one crocin for his rakashasa body
Or one crocin per head

Laila Majnu and other shorts

1.
When she saw the sea, she was appalled
Shouldn't the waves be covered in a veil



2.
Oh
If only, I could afford a Kiyonabu-Shakaru print
Instead of a cheap kimono
And miniature tea cups
From the duty free


3.
Seeing the empty bed on her left side
Makes her weep
Now, the soiled sheets need to be sent to the dhobhi


4.
Dear PM
Please begin your next speech
From the Red Fort
With a qawwali
To the accompaniment of a pakhawaj


5.
The season of cherry came
Petals, all fallen
No time to complete the woodblock
The paint refuses to dry


6.
The handwriting expert
In Chotti Bazaar
Worries what binary codes will do to his profession


7.
When Qays was prevented to marry Laila
He wrote distichs, and wandered the streets of the walled city
One day, someone called the naked Qays, a Majnu
That's how the first chapter of Laila-Majnu was born

It's the story of my life

1.
Like a Leviathan he sleeps
When I wake him up
His first question is: Where's Kumbhakarana?

2.
Something is wrong with the light in the sky
It has been flickering
Voltage fluctuation ...

3.
The wedding ring
Wound around his finger
Was a blade of couch grass
That she plucked for him

4.
Her first formal kiss
Lasting all of 7 minutes, 7 seconds
Was on top of a rock
Made of platinum

5.
Why do trees exist?
Whenever planet earth has a rash
They can give it a good rub


6.
Dear Mrs Ganges
You have five and a half wrinkles
Dark circles under your eyes

Do something re

7.
I look for Nagarjuna
I find Muktibodh
I read neither

It's the story of my life

Five ditties

Once I was a yellow coloured chair
Upon me sat an enormous sloth bear
I told him: please sit on the floor
Instead, he showed me the door
Told me to start behaving like a sofa
____________________________________________

The glacier it told the sun
I'm not having any fun
I've something important to say
Could you send cooler rays
Its becoming kind of warm
____________________________________________

Past, present and future decided to have a fight
About who is more relevant, and who is right
Past said, if not for me, you wouldn't be born
Present said, ultimately it's all about today morn
Future, his brow it started to furrow
He said: I'll give an answer day after tomorrow
___________________________________________
　
　
The lion hummed a tragic ballad
Of how his diet was restricted to a salad
My girlfriend wants me to be less mean
She has ordered me: "go green"
I still prefer shredded lamb to brinjal
___________________________________________

A line and a circle were having a conversation
While sipping a cup of tea at the railway station
The line said: a line should be quite fine
Why then try to read between the lines
The circle said: I really don't understand why
The zero was invented along with the Pi
Exchanging geometrics, they watched the rain
Holding hands, they boarded the local train

Shuklaji's Story

Shuklaji says

A taxi revolution is required

A proper hartal

To emancipate cab drivers, who are victims

Of all that one can be victims of

All this paraphrased without a shadow of doubt from the Hakim Panel Report

________________________________

Shuklaji and I share a taxi

From Vakola Bridge

He wants a lift to the Union office on Kennedy Bridge

No one can say no to him

Not I

Nor the juniors

I tell him so

Yes, at the first go

A rarity

He says, cab drivers are rude if they don't - and whores if they do

It's as simple as that, sahab

________________________________

Shuklaji points to the Latin origin of number-plates

The British created their empire

Without a script

That's why we're probably more protective of them

And their language

We love the minorities of history

________________________________

I meet Shuklaji after 18 months

A brain tumor

Diagnosed by Doctor Jaheel from Tata Hospital

Radiation for Rs 1,800/-

30 sessions in all

Mere liye Jaheel bhagwaan hain

Even though he is Musalmaan

What is that supposed to mean

Our social circumstances, are really two

Our cultures and our gods are utterly different

Our illnesses are the same, though

________________________________

Years ago

Shuklaji told me

I can do Vakola to Nariman Point in 25 minutes

Via Sea Link

He did

In his Ecco

At 7 am

While praying

His agarbatties make me sneeze

My nose is an atheist

He says, not possible

Everybody believes in god

A god is supposed to be for our own good

Why do you pray?

Habit he says

Plus I am a Pandit

He shows me his Janehu

Both hands off the steering wheel

________________________________

Shuklaji saw hell

He says, hell is a hospital

Yama Raja strolls through the corridors

Prescriptions equal to Yama mantra

________________________________

Today

Shuklaji is going to the Union office to sort out a default loan

Sab dalaali hain, sahab

They have pressed the mute button

I am going to un-mute it

________________________________

Once I was flying in from Lucknow

I informed Shuklaji

Pick me up from the airport

Ok saheb, he said

Flight landed

Baggage didn't

He circumambulated outside the airport, thrice

Was accosted by two traffic officers

Punched on the ears

These days in this city, you get boxed, that is it

The charge: Shuklaji is a Pandit from Jaunpur

That's it? I asked

It is about me breathing their air

A lot of angry people in this city

They want my air, too

I told them, it will be high tide

A fresh round of sea breeze will enter the city

I was punched on the nose again

They asked: who teaches you such things

Your ancestor's Vedas?

________________________________

That's when

Shuklaji's brain started to grapple with taboos

________________________________

We drive home

Through the city

I stare at Shuklaji's skull

You wouldn't believe how taxi drivers are treated

Every taxi driver living in his own mind

Shuklaji's mind, plays games

He de-codes number plates, non-stop

He quotes rules from the Central Motor Vehicles Act, 1989

This is the new Veda, sahab

________________________________

Near the flower market

We don't move

There's a traffic jam

For 30 minutes

Shuklaji sighs

It would appear that this city is unwell

Or in the ICU

Shuklaji says, I was not operated

Due to six badaams

Soaked in the evenings

Consumed with the badaam-skin

Before sun rise

Some daadiwallah hakim needs to prescribe six badaams for this city, too

________________________________

Shuklaji wants to return home

To Jaunpur

Especially after his examination by Dr Jaeleel and his colleagues

Quickest recovery, ever

A pat on the back

From the specialists

For that one morning

Shuklaji felt he was an equal

He forgot about the postcard

His son sent

96%

Yet, no admission in Benares Hindu University

________________________________

Shuklaji does not want his son to be a taxi driver

Naturally

For cab drivers there is one nation

It is discrimination

________________________________

Shuklaji says: Driving a taxi for 30 years caused my brain tumour

What will Shuklaji do now?

What will his brain ever do?

I know not

Elphinstone Road arrives

He exits

Swivels his six-foot frame over the iron frame

Walks to the railway platform

I won't see him again

Realisation on 13 October

Your tear
I fear

What the paper said to me

1.
The forecast for tomorrow is,
We propose to skip the summer season

2.
The story of her life

From a broken cup
She sips tea
When there is none


3.
A bit of breeze slipped through the window
Gate-crashing
Into her past


4.
In the folds of the world map
Weeds are sprouting
Argentina covered by a crease
Serbia has a hole
Congo is de-inked
A shirt hung over the Pacific Ocean
How will he wear a wet shirt?
To school in the morning?


5.
I seek idyll
Said the paper to me
Something profound penned by a ball point nib
In clear blue handwriting

Till such time
Four paper weights will suffice

Krishna's flute and other shorts

1.
Is a river, a river
When it has no water?

2.
The word I etched on a stone
Rebelled, and flew way
Like a hot air balloon

3.
This birthday, I will tattoo
A bar code on my forehead

4.
The story of their marriage
She couldn't find a suitable font
That said I love you

5.
The sun sets
On the banks of the Yamuna
Krishna knows not what to do
The gopis have hidden his flute

Unspoken rules and such other things

1.
His one genius discovery
Attar that smells like roasted tandoori chicken


2.
I propose a dedicated radio channel
That plays birdsongs


3.
They married
Due to an evening walk
Beneath poplar trees
Memorable as it were
Whose date neither remembered


4.
Except for a crying child
All is silent
In the 9:17 local


5.
He looked into the map
And saw himself
Lost


6.
Who invented unspoken rules? Can I meet him?

Chopin and I

Last evening, instead of bombinating,

I chit-chatted with my piano

Over a Sonata

I rendered with a strand of hair

Exceedingly delicious

Said a Liszty fly to me

Though your finale for the piano concerto is a bit extended

Write littler, edit morer

I got excoriated

When I was told to compose a Nocturne

For Chopin buried in a grave

Between Bellini and Cherubini

So

I stopped playing

For the first time in 378 years

And played the C minor no.21

Backwards

Dinesh Thakur and two other shorts

1.

The marigold said a birth certificate is unobtainable

So the notary jotted in the certificate

Cause of birth: Dubious pollen seeds

2.

Good thing, the sun is a punctual riser

Said the darkness to the night

3.

(For Dinesh Thakur)

For you

I picked up a pebble at Moliere's grave 

From the Père Lachaise Cemetery

By the time, I met The Imaginary Invalid

On the hospital bed

The stone had hemorrhaged

Three palash stories

One palash said to the other
When they placed me at Saraswati's feet
I had to compete with marigolds and chrysanthemums


The other palash said
When they placed me at my master's feet
I had to combat arthritis and old age


The baby palash told the two
I don't want to be plucked, ever
Who is Kelucharan Mohapatra?
I want to become him 

Three shorts on a Sunday

1.
Mrs Bose chose Rabindro Sangeet
Over Das Kapital
Since it meant Bengali sarees and rosagullas


2.
The churchbell rang
As Tuka stood on the steps with a red clothbag
Selling agarbatti
At 40 paise a piece
To the warkaris
Attending Sunday Mass


3.
Why do my words catch fungi
By the time
I transfer them onto a slate

When Valmiki and Vyas met

The highway robber and fisherwoman's son
Were felicitated
During a literary seminar in heaven
For composing the Ramayana
And the Mahabharata, respectively

Five shorts on a Saturday

1.
Ever since I tamed a million bats as my pet, I sleep upside down.

2.
An idea for the government: Charge VAT for new-born babies.

3. 
Human beings that run on batteries? My next invention.

4.
When he looked deep within his soul, he saw the family heirloom, an alarm clock set for yesterday.

5.
A brothel with a R&D centre? One more of my inventions.

The diplomat's dilemma

Do you wonder, sometimes
Tugging at the grey safari suit
What you say
You regret, later
Er ... Sir I think that border would look nicer 
If we shift it one latitude to the East

No reply
The emissary scribbles a jotting
Pause
Longish pause
No translation for that (as yet)
No chance to second-guess
To re-organise the strategic advantage
He sips his grey-earl tea, bland

Speculates
The formal confabulation of eight hours
Full of twists, traps, awkward testaments
Makes you dislike yourself
What you say
As much as the cunning ambassador
On the other side
Of the table
Who wheezes

Its yourself you blame
Your arbitrations are discomfited
Your underwear itches
Why do words tumble out, such?

So
You change the subject 
Sun Tzu, Arthashashtra, Battle of Qadesh, Vienna Convention, cheap wine, tailored suits 
By then you realise 
Nothing more to discuss

Only silence
Aided by the hottest day in Delhi
Which makes negogiating an international treaty
Oppressive