Five shorts from Teddington

1.
The pianist played like Bach
Sounded like Offenbach
While his tone deaf audience
Applauded at all the wrong places


2.
Can't see London
It's covered
With the light dust
Of snow
On the railway map

3.
Smiles grew 30% last year
Thereby breaking the world record of smiles
Best stats in a decade
This, according to researchers
Of the Smile Unlimited Inc

One in three smiles are fake — again a rise
A chuckle is no longer a major part of this activity
Close to two-thirds of smile owners prefer smirking
And most people grinned for no reason at all

4.
There lives a surgeon in Teddington
Who takes care of apple trees
He prunes the branches
He clears the leaflets
He counsels the ancient roots for free

5.
Walking around the town
Is a good way to observe the local pagans
Except most of the people are indoors
Having a traiteur meal
Of braised beef with mushrooms