Five shorts from Teddington

1.
The pianist played like Bach
Sounded like Offenbach
While his tone deaf audience
Applauded at all the wrong places


2.
Can't see London
It's covered
With the light dust
Of snow
On the railway map

3.
Smiles grew 30% last year
Thereby breaking the world record of smiles
Best stats in a decade
This, according to researchers
Of the Smile Unlimited Inc

One in three smiles are fake — again a rise
A chuckle is no longer a major part of this activity
Close to two-thirds of smile owners prefer smirking
And most people grinned for no reason at all

4.
There lives a surgeon in Teddington
Who takes care of apple trees
He prunes the branches
He clears the leaflets
He counsels the ancient roots for free

5.
Walking around the town
Is a good way to observe the local pagans
Except most of the people are indoors
Having a traiteur meal
Of braised beef with mushrooms

The A to Z of Taxation

The A to Z of Taxation

Tax abbreviations
Tax burping
Tax chicanerism
Tax dandruff
Tax ennui
Tax flatulence
Tax gods
Tax hunger
Tax income tax
Tax jeopardisations
Tax kinkiness
Tax laughter
Tax mothers who deliver babies
Tax nonsense
Tax obsequiousness
Tax puritanism
Tax queues
Tax ransoms
Tax sinning
Tax talking
Tax UFOs
Tax violence
Tax walking
Tax x-rated thoughts
Tax yawning
Tax zig zagging

Five shorts on a flight

1.
Cymbeline and Coriolanus met
By the Thames
Do you think, we got a raw deal
As compared to that chap, Hamlet

2.
The first officially recorded historical kiss was
Where?
When?
Who kissed whom?
Did the kiss back-fire?

3.
Flamingos flock to Sewri, annually
Sparrows abandon it, simultaneously

4.
I sense hedonism
Mixed with the dust
Embedded
In the sole of the city
Has been such
For four hundred years


5.
I wanted to go to the loo
Noel told me not to
Why, I asked him
He said, we are flying over the Caspian Sea
Its bad etiquette to pee into sea water

My legs and I

My legs want to walk
I tell them, that can wait
For the time being, drop me to my parent's home

So then, my left foot jumps ahead
Before the right one
And they tell each other
Catch me if you can

Its impossible that feeling
It's not a trek, it's not a walk
It's a race
Between my left foot and my right one
Twice the speed of sound

The badly behaved
Very rowdy wind
Pushes me towards a river
The tiniest in the world
I could drink all its water
So much of thirst
But the river walks off
It leaves me behind

Mother and child

1.
The cloud stands still, poised
Time for its afternoon siesta

2.
Before I was born
I wrote the script of my life
Now, I improvise
Since life arranges itself

3.
In my times, the government would ban all newspapers
For causing anarchy
Among children below 18
Said Proudhon to me

4.
Buying a bus ticket is plebeian
If you pay in foreign currency
It could be noble dilettantism

5.
Who is this man, mother?
He is my husband, dear child

Freedom of expression and other shorts

1,
A really beautiful woman weeps
When the tears fall on the ground
The snow melts

2.
The river chases the wind
Turns around a bend
And drowns in the sea

3.
My old socks say
I think I am ageing
Please buy me brand-new shoes

4.
My dog envies me on one count
I can put my hands in my pocket
Whistling the Bohemian Rhapsody

5.
Why is it
During the maths exam
I dream about Kafka and his precursors

6.
Instead of the garage I administered 
A strong anaesthetic to my Tata Indica
Now she is fine


7.
They say
If you dip tea bags into the waves
Dolphins will dance the salsa

8.
From the 29th floor window
I see the city has fallen down
And fractured its knees

9.
True freedom of expression is
When she is permitted to wear knickers
And sashay her hips on the dark streets



10.
I'm rehearsing
I'm practising
So I can live life in the next one

One plus one is zero

One plus one is how many?
One replied, the student
How so, asked the teacher
Sort of bemused

Well, it's something like this
When the rivers Kannadipuzha 
And Kalapathipuzha come together
They form a confluence of one

Oh, said the class teacher
Then one plus one is zero
Since the Bharathapuzha is not a river
It has become a sewerage