Random ruminations

1.

My new ringtone is Stalin's cough

Fewer people call me, now

2.

The glossary of my life

Will be pretty short

A for alcohol

B for barbiturates

C for chuckwalla (the pet I never had)

3.

What if life on earth gets reduced to

Pepsi? Coke?

4.

I met her after 10 years

She was ungainly but happy

Said she could have cycled around the world

(For which she had a sponsor)

Instead she married a dull sort of man

And they lived happily ever after

5.

When I grow up I want to fly an airplane in autopilot

Can I?

6.

Good taste has bypassed India

My theory is

If you've good taste

They suspect you may bring down the government

7.

Last night

I walked up to a dinosaur

And said: It's a pity your species hasn't heard about the survival of the fittest.

He replied: Neither has yours

8.

Can you suggest a good coaching class

Preferably dirt-cheap

Where I can learn how to break rules

9.

For 91 years

She listened

When her skull cracked on the funeral pyre

The priest was astonished

Her brain was missing